The Hard Part of Attachment Parenting

 

"Woman Carries Baby In Sling In Chinatown" by paul_houle is licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0.

I'm going to drop a truth bomb about what's commonly called "attachment parenting." 

Sometimes, it kind of sucks. 

I parent this way primarily because it's how my mother parented, and because it makes my life easier day-to-day. I breastfeed, and this style just seems to go hand in hand with that. 

What the parenting books don't tell you though is that you're likely to be a lot more homebound than parents that use a more conventional method. There's a fair amount you'll have to say "no" to. 

Oh, you'll hear about parents who travel the globe or take a cruise with their baby. Sometimes these people even have blogs or Instagram accounts dedicated to making you feel like an underachiever. 

But what isn't usually admitted, either in the blogs or the parenting books, is that;

1.) Babies are only portable for a certain window of time. From birth to about six months, you can put them in a carrier and go on whatever adventure your heart desires. All they need is to be fed, changed, and held. 

From six months on, all that goes out the window. Now they also need space to move and explore, and they get bored. You're not just holding anymore, you're wrestling them and keeping them from damaging stuff.  

2.) You've got to plan your activities around what your kid can handle. 

I once attended an event that went into the evening. Bitty Baby screamed at the top of her lungs the entire 45 minute drive home because she was tired and hates riding in the car at night. I've turned down evening invitations ever since then. 

I once attended a birthday party for a friend in a restaurant. My baby hated the loud music and having to sit in my lap and squirmed and twisted and screamed until I walked her back and forth outside. I ended up leaving early. 

I recently had to cancel a looked-forwards-to trip because it involved airplane travel and I know for a fact Bitty Baby will be a hot little ball of misery if we go (and by extension, I'll be a frustrated mess).

There's a lot I have to say no to because I know that my child will be miserable if we do it. And I can't leave her with a sitter (during evening hours or overnight) because I know she'll likely be traumatized and inconsolable if I do. 

I don't know if my parenting this way will bring any benefits. I have friends who parent their children more conventionally who leave their babies for days at a time with their husbands or with grandparents, and the babies seem fine. I might be confining myself for no good reason. 

And given that I'm Catholic and we kinda have a thing for having lots of babies, I might have several more years of this ahead of me (yes, we use NFP but a.) life finds a way and b.) part of Catholic marriage vows is being open to children). I'm not going to lie; that can be a pretty discouraging thought. 

I guess I need to learn how to find a balance. If I'm going to be doing this for awhile, I need to make it sustainable. I don't know that I'll be able to do a complete overhaul of my parenting style, but maybe there are a few smaller things I can change.

I'm more comfortable leaving my children, even the youngest, with a sitter during the day. I guess I need to focus on that side of things more; what my children are capable of handling rather than what they aren't. 

And yes, as the old ladies at the grocery store keep telling me, this is a short season and I'll miss these years. 

Maybe I'll miss the years, but the days seem to be dragging on forever.