Why I'm Deleting My Facebook

 

"Self portrait – We all get sucked in" by MattysFlicks is marked with CC BY 2.0.

I gave up social media for Lent. For six complete weeks, I didn't log in onto Facebook. 

I was more productive (regular readers will notice there has been substantially more content here over the past few weeks) and less anxious. I did miss being able to crowd source things and keep up with a couple groups where legitimate discussion (and memes) happened, but overall my mood and quality of life improved. 

And then, this morning I got back on. Within the span of five minutes, I found an article that brought my anxiety up. I left a snippy comment, then spent a good chunk of my mental energy at breakfast wondering if I needed to go back and edit it. 

I've been thinking about this for awhile, but that cemented it. Social media actively takes away from my ability to be present to my family and saps my energy. It's hindering me in being who I need to be more than it's helping me. 

It needs to go, and quickly, before I lose my nerve. There's all sorts of counter arguments roaring in my head. I'm terrified of feeling lonely. I live in a fairly isolated area, and often I feel like the only adults I see for weeks at a time are related to me. Social media is also genuinely the only place I can find people to discuss theological apologetics (don't judge) or certain geeky stuff with, and I have had genuine, real friendships come out of social media connections. 

But none of those benefits change the fact that it makes me more impatient with my children and husband (I get snippy when I'm anxious), distracts me from the little windows of time that exist for me to do projects, and quite frankly fosters a lot of fear in my life. 

I know that if I wait too long I'll lose my nerve, so I'm posting this, turning off my phone and spending a pleasant day with my family, then deleting my account tonight. I wish I had the self control to only keep the parts of it that are enriching to my life, and those do exist, but I simply don't have that ability (my husband does. I think it's because his day (and possibly his mind) is far more structured than mine. Yes, I'm jealous). 

It seems melodramatic to ask,  but please pray for me. I'm legitimately anxious about this, but I think it's being asked of me.