Wimpy Charity

"Widows Mite" by melodi2 is marked with CC BY 2.0.

Something I've come to realize is that it's much better to do a small gesture than nothing at all. 

One constant temptation that I struggle with is to feel discouraged that there's so much I can't do. Sometimes it's something that I perhaps technically could do, but not without sacrificing  resources that I need as a wife and mother, or without asking my children to make a sacrifice that would be much bigger for them than for me. Figuring out how you're supposed to be charitible, to fulfill the corporal works of mercy, while balancing family life is a challenge. 

(As an aside, the more I think about it, the more the celibate vocations make more and more sense for the life of the Church. We need people who are more able to devote themselves quickly on an as needed basis to loving people. Whether that be as single people, ordained clergy, or religious). 

The solution that I've adopted is to try and do what I can do easily. Things that I know I can commit to and that don't take a ton of time or effort to do. 

I know we're supposed to stretch ourselves when we perform charitible acts, give the widow's mite rather than just give from excess. But I am still trying to navigate a post scruple spirituality. 

 Before, I never permitted myself to say "no" to something good if it was physically possible for me to do it. The end result was that I was treated as a doormat by people around me, lived life in a perpetual whirlwind of trying to balance it all, and had a near nervous breakdown where I ended up begging someone to take me to the hospital. I don't want to go back to that, and I'm still learning how not to do that. 

 Add to that my new reality as a wife and mother with large parts of myself that need to be set aside for my husband and children (primary vocation and all that). My children only have so long they can go without mom, behave in a situation where they need to stay out of mommy's way, or tolerate long, repeated car rides. And there's only so many times I can leave the house in a given week before the housework gets to stage critical and I'm playing catch-up for a month. When I sacrifice, my family does too, often pretty profoundly. 

I've found that I more or less need to start small, even very small, when it comes to loving those outside of my immediate family. Everything has to be weighed by how it will affect my husband and children as well as myself. 

Figuring out how to give in these circumstances has required a little creativity, but I think I've figured a couple of things out. 

A few examples (that I may or may not do currently): 

I can't volunteer at a soup kitchen. But I can keep bottles of water and simple snacks in the car to give to pan handlers. 

I can't teach catechisis at our parish. But I can help create materials for the atrium (something that I enjoy doing anyway and can squeeze into little spare moments over a long period of time, so it doesn't take much of my energy or resources). 

I can't make a meal for the new mom that lives a 45 minute drive away from my house. But I can send her a gift card for a food/grocery delivery service. 

I can't regularly visit the elderly or sick family member. But I can send them letters (another activity that can be done in spurts rather than a huge time commitment).  

I don't do this perfectly. There are a lot of times where I either drop the ball even on these littler things or else I do overcommit and run myself (and the kids) ragged trying to get something done.

But I feel like an area where I've always felt I've struggled, being generous, might actually be within my reach to figure out now. I'm definitely not there yet, but I feel like maybe I'm heading the right direction.