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| "Annonciation Cloister" by Lawrence OP is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0 |
I've found out, both from painful first hand experience and from watching others go through it, that when a person is abused by a priest or religious associated with a religious order (versus diocesan), there are certain considerations that need to be taken into account to make your report a more effective one.
I can't guarantee that following these recommendations will keep your abuser from hurting other people. I do think that they give you a slightly better chance of achieving it than otherwise.
1.) Go to the Police First
The first thing you need to do, with any abuse allegation, is go to the civil authorities first. Many survivors do not want to do this because they don't want to bring scandal to their communities or get certain people in trouble. They may not even want to get their abuser in trouble.
I understand that. The situation that you're in is a horrible one, and I'm so very sorry. I know how painful this is, and that this likely involves a community of people that you love and don't want to hurt. This is a difficult thing to do. I know. I've been there. It sucks.
But the simple truth of the matter, borne out again and again with dioceses all over the world, is that your diocese, left to their own devices, is likely to simply move the priest or "take care of it quietly" in a way that still leaves people in danger. In many areas, the civil authorities are more trustworthy than the religious authorities as far as taking records and action.
You are not attacking your faith by making a report. I'll say it again: YOU ARE NOT ATTACKING YOUR FAITH. You are not betraying anyone or causing harm, and you may be helping to save souls, including that of your abuser. You're helping to weed out an insidious evil that's infected the Church, hurt a lot of people, and will continue to hurt people until it's dragged out into the light. It's truly a tragedy that we can't trust the Church to clean up Her own mess, but right now She needs the accountability of civil authorities looking over her shoulder in order to begin taking those steps.
Do not wait until after you contact the diocese to take this step. Many (though hopefully this number is shrinking) will do their best to get you not to do this (again, so they can "handle it quietly"), or will even string you along until the statute of limitations runs out on your allegation and you no longer have any legal recourse. Informing the police first holds the diocese accountable to action.
(Quick note on this: in some states, it is illegal for any clergy member to have sexual relations with adult members of their congregations, similar to laws regulating the relationships between therapists and their patients. This is even if the relationship was seemingly "consensual." This might be worth researching).
2.) Report it to the Diocese in which it occurred
They need to know that a priest in their diocese is abusing people. They need to be given a chance to respond, and to remove him from the parish, school, or post where he is.
Their authority is only over their parishes and institutions, so this is about all that they can do. Because they aren't his direct superiors, they can't remove him from all ministry-- all they can do is send him back to the order he came from. If they remove the religious from that post, they will also probably inform the person's order (though this shouldn't be assumed).
If the abuse occurred at a university, school, or other institution, they should also be informed at this point. I would inform them at the SAME time that you inform the diocese where the institution is located, not before. Smaller institutions within the Church don't tend to share their dirty laundry with the larger institutions above them, so you need to inform both.
Which is why you should also...
3.) Report it to the Diocese in which the Order is Headquartered
Do this immediately before you inform the order of what happened.
This is the step that most people don't know about, but is absolutely necessary to take. I've heard of multiple people who reported it to the civil authorities, their own diocese, and/or the religious order but did not notify the diocese where the order's headquarters is and were not able to achieve any measure of justice, or the priest/religious was merely removed from one post and given another-- until the diocese where the order was headquartered found out. Then, suddenly, real action was taken.
Religious orders don't usually share their dirty laundry with their diocese, and, just like a corrupt diocese, a corrupt religious order will attempt to handle the "problem" as quietly as possible, with as few people knowing as possible. So they will hide it and their home diocese, who has some measure of authority or influence over them in most cases, will be none the wiser.
The religious orders prefer it that way. I've seen this over and over with stories I've heard and read-- as well as in my own experience. The first thing the representative from the abbey where my abuser lives asked me was, in a somewhat indignant and annoyed voice, why I felt it was necessary to go to the diocese rather than the order itself.
Evidently, they were somewhat inconvenienced by the fact that I had done that.
Because the diocese and the order are separate entities, the religious order itself can end up being a liability to the diocese if they're letting abusive priest/religious run around. This works to your advantage in this case- dioceses hate liability and do whatever they can to get rid of or minimize it. Because of this, the diocese is more likely to crack down and pressure the order to actually take action and remove the priest/religious from ministry and listen to you.
It isn't guaranteed, but it's an important step that's often neglected and that I have seen bring about actual change.
4.) The Press
Not everyone can or should go public with their story, and no one should ever be pressured to. There are many factors at work in each individual case, and in some cases, going public is more than a person's mental health can deal with. You need to pray and discern if this is something you're called to do, or if it isn't. It's okay if it isn't. Your health and recovery needs to be your primary concern, and if this will keep you from achieving that, it's okay to put it off to focus on your healing, or even to never do it.
That said, if you've followed all the steps above and still haven't gotten anyone to listen to you, sometimes a news story gives the needed pressure on the civil and religious authorities to actually act, or will at least warn others of the perpetrator's behavior. There are several Catholic publications that have run these types of stories in the past, or you can go to your local news station or newspaper to see if any reporters there are interested in picking up your story. Awake is a good organization to go to in order to ask for help with this step.
5.) A Few more Tips
- Get a support system. This is most likely going to be a long, emotionally difficult process. Have a therapist, spiritual director, friend, or spouse that you trust and is willing to accompany you in this. Getting involved in a support group (check out this link for a list) is also probably a good idea.
- Document, document, document. When you begin the reporting process, do it via e-mail whenever possible (copy/paste for your own records and take a screenshot if it's one of those email submission things on a web page). Save every single e-mail, letter, or other written communication that you send or receive during this process, as well as any correspondence (including text messages) you had in the past with your abuser. If you are having a lot of face to face meetings, check out the recording laws in your state. You may be able to record audio in meetings without the other party's knowledge. At the very least, take good notes, or have someone go with you who can take good notes.
- Strengthen your prayer life. If you're still in the Church (I get it if you're not- and I still want you to be able to heal and get the justice you deserve), you need to be grounded in Christ for your faith to weather this storm. You can be pissed at Him for what happened; that's okay so long as you're honest with Him about it. But if you still believe that the Catholic Church is the truth, you need to stay connected to the Person that it points towards. Find some sort of prayer routine that you can handle, even if it's just saying "Jesus I Trust in You"or a similar short prayer once or twice a day.
It doesn't mean you'll be able to feel His presence or consolation. That may not happen for a very, very long time. But prayer does things that we can't perceive, and He IS still there. You're with Him on the Cross right now, but there's reason to hope for a Resurrection.
You can look at the nastiness in the Church with clear eyes and see it and still know that Jesus Christ is Lord, spoke the truth, and that the sacraments and teachings of the Church are real and true.
Hopefully this proves helpful to someone. This is a difficult fight, but you're not alone. There are others who have walked this path, and there are people willing to walk it with you.
Added 12/29/22: This post has probably been one of my two or three most viewed on this subject. If you're interested in learning more about abuse in the Church, or if you're a survivor of this type of abuse, I have a list of helpful resources here and a list of other pieces I've written on this subject here.
St. Mary McKillop pray for us.
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