St. Faustina's Diary as Read by the Scrupulous

"Chapel of the miraculous image of the Merciful Jesus and the tomb of St. Faustina" by Catholic Church (England and Wales) is licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

When I'm folding laundry, I like to pull up a podcast or interesting YouTube video and try to get some brain food in while I'm working. Lately, it being Lent and now Easter, I've been listening to Pints With Aquinas by Matt Fradd. 

In one of his recent videos made during Holy Week, he focused on St. Dismas, the good thief who was crucified with Christ, and talked about God's mercy. At one point he said "I really want to encourage any of my listeners who are scrupulous to read the Diary of St. Faustina and see Jesus talking about His mercy." 

I stood there with a t-shirt in my hands and an indignant look on my face, saying "That's a HORRIBLE idea." 

Now, I actually love the Divine Mercy devotion. As I write this, it's during the octave of Easter and we've been praying the novena together as a family every night. I've also written before how the prayer "Jesus I Trust in You" got me through the worst scrupulous period of my life. I really do believe that a devotion to Divine Mercy can be helpful for people who struggle with the cross of scruples. 

Here's the thing, though. Just because the devotion itself might be helpful doesn't mean that all the materials associated with it are helpful, especially for those who have scruples associated with OCD. 

Now's where I put my normal disclaimer: I'm not a mental health professional or spiritual director. All I have to offer is my own experience.

My experience tells me that a person with actively debilitating scruples should not attempt to read the Diary without the guidance of an experienced spiritual director who's familiar with how a mind with OCD tends to operate. 

To illustrate why, here's a passage from the diary:

"One day, the Mother Superior, wanting to give me a bit of pleasure, gave me permission to go...to Calvary to "walk the paths", as they say. I was delighted....That evening Jesus said to me, "I want you to stay home...this trip will be harmful to your soul."

(Notebook 1: 64)

Now here's what the person with scruples just read: 

"If I want to do something fun, it's probably bad and God doesn't want me to do it. The next time an opportunity to do something fun happens, I'm probably going to have to turn it down." And then the next time that something fun does come up, they'll probably either turn it down out of a sense of guilt or they'll spend the entire outing trying to fend off a persistent feeling that they're offending God by being there. 

Does that make logical sense in the context of that instance? Of course not. The average reader isn't a mystic who has regular interactions with the Almighty and a specific mission from heaven. 

But that doesn't really matter, because there was something apparently fun and harmless that Jesus showed express disapproval of, and that's what's going to stick, no matter what the individual circumstances of that instance were. That's how the OCD scruple mind works. 

In other places, St. Faustina and Jesus both talk about the need for a soul to be silent in prayer. Both talk about how not being silent and listening during prayer can ultimately send you to hell and make you repulsive to God. 

Sound and holy advice. Being self absorbed and unable to listen is bad. We need to actually give room to God to speak. 

 Through a scruple brain perspective though, this observance is absolute torture.

 Silence is the one thing that a scrupulous person can't get but desperately wants. It doesn't matter how much he or she wants it, they can't find it. Their minds are constantly buzzing with what-ifs that they can't get away from: "what if I was being racist by walking past that Korean guy without saying hello on the sidewalk?" "What if I didn't focus enough on that last Hail Mary? Better start this decade over." 

If they read those bits, they won't be able to take it as an encouragement to let go of their worries and trust in God's providence-- they'll sit in the adoration chapel with a brand new torture to grapple with: "I'm not being quiet...am I being quiet enough? Oh no, I'm offending God!!"

Because of the way that the scrupulous mind works, the passages where Jesus talks about His mercy and longing to have a close relationship with souls are very likely going to be utterly eclipsed by the notion that Jesus is repulsed by them. They are going to see themselves in every negative description and trait discussed and be tempted to shame and discouragement rather than consoled or positively challenged to change. 

So, though I have no doubt Matt meant only the best by recommending the book, I can't echo his recommendation. Selected passages from the diary would probably be helpful, even extremely helpful, but picking it up and reading it with no guidance has a strong likelihood to do more harm then good for those who struggle with scruples.