7 Thoughts on Surviving Having the Whole Family at Home

Image Credit: Public Domain

Why is this woman allowing her child to kneel next to a stove like that?! Barefoot!! I'd be so nervous the entire time...

I'm a stay at home mom, so in some ways quarantine doesn't change too much of our daily routine. I already planned on the kids being at home, and I'm used to weathering what comes with that.

What has changed is that my husband is home now too, and needs at least some space and peace and quiet in order to work from home.

Suddenly, letting the kids loudly pretend to be airplanes in the next room isn't going to fly anymore.

Hubby has been home about a week now, so I've figured a couple things out. Here's seven tips/ideas to keep the kids relatively quiet and entertained.

1.) Have at least a loose routine 

I've found that on days when I don't follow a routine that by the time supper time comes along the kids are about ready to murder each other via whacking on the head with a plastic toy, and the noise volume goes through the roof. Bored kids are unruly, LOUD kids and routine acts as a framework that keeps boredom at bay.

Some families do well with a super structured, down to the moment schedule, but I am NOT one of the moms that can pull that off. Our schedule mostly revolves around mealtimes rather than given hours in the day-- that way if I get lunch on the table later than usual, our whole day isn't thrown off track.

So breakfast and lunch may not happen at the same time every day depending on what I have going on, but they'll always play out more or less the same way.

It looks something like this:

   - Wake up, get dressed, get breakfast on the table.
   - Eat, do morning prayer, let the kids watch TV while I clean up.
   - Chores (kids play on their own or help if they show an interest in what I'm doing-- they're 2 and 4, so I don't mandate participation for anything except cleaning their room (with my help) and putting clothes away, but they sometimes push around a kid-sized play mop or put away silverware. If it's not something they can actually help with, I try to find a way they can pretend to help)
  - Outdoor time, feed animals
  - Lunch, Angelus, TV time while I clean up.
  - Schoolwork or crafts, snack time (about half the time...not super consistent with that)
  - That weird awful late afternoon hour where everyone devolves into naked insanity and that I still haven't figured out how to navigate (surely I'm not the only one who has that in their house?). Occasionally helped by snack time, sometimes not.
 - Prepare supper, eat (we usually eat pretty early, around 5)
- playtime for an hour or so while we clean up
- Bedtime routine starts at 7pm (the only part of the day I stick to a time on), kids usually asleep by 8:15.

Does it always look like that? No.

But even on the craziest days we still manage to keep mealtimes, so having those as my main markers throughout the day helps me get back on track even if part of the day has already gone completely down the drain. We have a rough afternoon most days, but supper and bedtime usually get us back on track.

2.) The outdoors is your friend 

Even if you only have access to a tiny yard or balcony, find a way to utilize it.

We're lucky enough that we live on several acres out in the country, but I actually only sometimes bring the kids all the way out into the yard (I hope to change that soon, I've had some health related stuff that's limited my movements that's just recently resolved, and we have a overly friendly dog that likes to knock toddlers over).

Most of our outdoor play during the day is actually on our front porch, which is about the same size as an apartment balcony. We have a few buckets of dirt they're allowed to play in, some plastic shovels, and some sidewalk chalk they scribble with, and there's just enough room for a small plastic kiddie pool.

 It still makes a huge difference in their mood if they play out there for awhile, even though it's not time in the actual yard. Something about sunshine, getting a little dirty, and splashing around in the water really hits the reset button. Some days when we've been dealing with tantrums all afternoon, I make them go out there for awhile and then we don't have much of a problem the rest of the day.

If I can get them out in the actual yard, that's even better. They're in a much better mood, they have the freedom to get dirty and be loud, and bedtime usually goes much more smoothly too.

 I highly suggest water play if it's warm enough in your area-- even a big bowl and a few plastic cups can keep kids happy for a surprisingly long time. If you have older kids, add food coloring or let them build simple baking soda volcanoes. I usually let my toddlers strip down to their undies to cut down on the mess they track inside.

3.) Limit screen time

Limit it to certain areas of your routine, and try to keep it there.

We fail at this one pretty regularly, but I pay for it on those days. For some reason, screens find the area of your kid's brain that's whiny, dependent and irritable and turns it up to 11. Especially when it's close to bedtime.

NEVER let your kids, especially kids under 5, access a screen after supper. Bedtime will become a chaotic nightmare, the kind of thing you fear in your nightmares.

4.) Read to your kids

Once you get the hang of it, this is a lot more fun than it sounds.

For smaller children, they may need practice getting the hang of it. When I first started, I let my kids play quietly while I read aloud to them, and they gradually pick up that it's a story and find it interesting. Try out your acting skills a little, don't just read like an automaton or no one will get anything out of it.

Playing an audio book for 'quiet time' may also work for some families (we get one from the library for long car trips).

Here's a few examples to give you an idea of what reading aloud should sound like.

The full book read by John Cleese, a fantastic actor. My personal favorite edition of the book is read by Andy Serkis, but apparently they pulled it off of YouTube. (Appropriate for Grown-ups and teens, I don't think younger children would be as interested in it). 

Full book read online. For some reason, there's a lot of C.S. Lewis's books free on YouTube.

We got this particular audio book at the library, and my kids (4 and 2) really enjoyed it. I was only able to find the first chapter on YouTube, but if you can find this one elsewhere I highly recommend it.

(Since I first published this article, I've found out that Audible is allowing free access to at least one children's book in light of the pandemic).

5.) Bake with your kids

Baking with kids goes WAY more smoothly than cooking with them in my experience.

There's no stoves to work around, way less sharp objects, and a whole bunch of measuring things from one container and putting them in another, which even small kids can help with. And bigger kids can do the actual measuring and shaping bits with only minimal guidance.

Here's a pretzel recipe to get you started.

(Weirdly enough, the one exception to the bake instead of cook rule is this gnocchi recipe. We mix up the dough in the food processor, then the kids do the actual rolling out and shaping. They like it WAY better than play dough (though they enjoy that too) because they're doing something "real" and they're helping. Make sure you allot at least a 45 min- hour for the shaping though, and be aware that it will make a bit of a mess on the table).

6.) Lower your expectations, and learn to redirect

I think a major reason trying to adopt schedules or new activities often doesn't work for people is because they feel they have to follow that schedule or activity perfectly.

It will never be perfect.

Give yourself permission for it to look different, or weird, or messy.

If the pretzels you made with the kids look like some sort of weird, ragged,coiled rope or alien poop, that's ok.

If the kids make a royal mess on the porch, but don't destroy or ruin anything, that's ok.

If your kid decides to wet mop the floor with you and the area by the front door is now sopping wet, get a ragged towel and show them how to use their feet to mop up the extra water. Roll with it.

If they're making an unholy racket and a huge mess in the living room, announce it's time for everyone to clean their room, and go in there with them and help them do it (this usually works surprisingly well with my two littles-- they interact with toys while they're picking them up and usually stay in the room and play for a little while once we're done cleaning (sometimes during cleaning)).

The name of the game is adapting, being flexible, and if small kids DO cross a line, redirecting. If they're being loud and obnoxious, redirect them to an outside or different activity. Remember that most of this stuff is to benefit them-- if that's failing, it's ok to admit that and abandon ship or change direction.

 (This of course doesn't excuse behavior like whacking their sister on the head or using bad words, you still have to discipline unacceptable behavior. But if the kids are threating meltdown on a given activity or you see the behavior is about to happen, it's ok to alter or even abandon the activity and pivot to something else).

And from that...

7.) If one (or none) of these ideas work for you, don't do them. 

Every family is different. If something isn't a good fit for your family, or is counter productive, or if you already do something different that works, that's fine!

Nothing is wrong with you or your kids, they're just different than my kids. Take what you can use from this or any other article and toss the rest.

See the rest of this week's takes here.