You've heard of Stitch Fix, but have you heard of...
Clothes in a Garbage Bag(TM)?
It works in a similar way to Stitch Fix or other personal shopper companies, but instead of a consistently timed professional looking package curated to fit your tastes by a personal shopper arriving in the mail, a garbage bag shows up at uneven intervals handed to you (or left out on a porch) more or less at random by a relative, friend, or friend of a friend asking, "hey, do you want these? If not, I'm dropping them off at Goodwill"
I like it because it almost always offers several new adventures in sizing, style, surprise factor, and because the price is always right. And it also comes in child sizes!
Clothes in a Garbage Bag(TM)?
It works in a similar way to Stitch Fix or other personal shopper companies, but instead of a consistently timed professional looking package curated to fit your tastes by a personal shopper arriving in the mail, a garbage bag shows up at uneven intervals handed to you (or left out on a porch) more or less at random by a relative, friend, or friend of a friend asking, "hey, do you want these? If not, I'm dropping them off at Goodwill"
I like it because it almost always offers several new adventures in sizing, style, surprise factor, and because the price is always right. And it also comes in child sizes!
I received one of these exciting bags recently, and I thought I'd share some of the daring and innovative new (to me) items it contained.
(My apologies for the backwards text, I'm not tech savvy enough to know how to switch that around. I included translations underneath).
(My apologies for the backwards text, I'm not tech savvy enough to know how to switch that around. I included translations underneath).
The Repentance Classic
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| "Tell All Souls Of My Mercy" JESUS LOVES YOU, YOU REPROBATES. |
Do you want everyone within a ten foot radius to know you're Catholic and to feel slightly uncomfortable? Do you want to be obviously religious, yet somewhat vague and hard to understand? Do you feel the need to accessorize with cheap pamphlets about how the Freemasons are a scourge upon the Church and cheaply printed holy cards featuring obscure novenas involving souls in Purgatory or unrepentant sinners?
Than this is the shirt for you!!
Featuring a ginormous, hard to see, shadowy depiction of Jesus with a vague quote about Divine Mercy on a black background, this shirt manages to make one of the most hopeful and loving devotions found in the Church today well nigh ominously inscrutable. Perfect for calling those shameless hussies at Walmart to repentance.
Though the dark aesthetic and arresting imagery were hard to pass up, the Purgatorial sauna effect of wearing a black t-shirt with a huge plastic graphic ironed onto the front in sunny South Texas ruled this one just a touch too holy for this sinner.
That Wildly Inappropriate Halter Top or Limp Spaghetti Strap Top That's in Every Single Batch of Hand-Me-Downs
For some reason, every bag from Clothes in a Garbage Bag(TM) includes at least one halter or spaghetti strap top that has seen better days. This bag actually included both.
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| Worn with a t-shirt, because that's how I roll, yo. |
This one, green and purple with a pleated bust panel, manages to look both risque and dated, both showing off the trappings of youth while hearkening back to fashions of yester-decade.
This spaghetti strap does the same, but more so. The limp ruffles seem to shout, "put me out of my misery. My day has come and gone."
For those days when you want to seem cool and hip, but the last example you saw of that was a teen movie from 2002.
Alas, my teen Disney days are well behind me. I had to pass on these.
That Shirt Made by a Youth Minister Who Didn't Quite Grasp the Pop Culture Reference, but Ran With it Anyway
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| "You know She's all about that Grace" Grace instead of Bass! Get it, kids?! |
I'm just not sure a song about people with rotund glutes was an appropriate reference to bring people to the Blessed Mother.
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| "#Momma'sGotOurBack" ...yeah. |
This was so glorious in its tackiness that I held onto it.
The Suburban Mom Uniform
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| All that's missing is the pumpkin spice latte. |
At last, I have what I need to infiltrate their ranks. With this extra long shirt and this pair of leggings, I shall sneak into their secret councils and learn their ways. Then, and only then, will my plan for world domination be COMPLETE.
A Dress That Looks Like It was Made From My Grandma's Bed Sheets
A Dress That Looks Like It was Made From My Grandma's Bed Sheets
The 80's called. They want their pattern back.
(I actually kind of like this one, probably going to hang onto it).
This T-Shirt that Doesn't Care What you Think (by which it means it totally cares, but it wants you to think that it doesn't).
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| "I'm Just Here For the Food" |
...yet.
That One Dress That Actually Looks Good On Me
That One Dress That Actually Looks Good On Me
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| Ignore the messy room, #RealLife |
Doesn't happen with every batch, but sometimes you get something that makes all the digging and sorting worth it.
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So try Clothes in a Garbage Bag (TM)! Even if nothing fits your individual style, it makes for an entertaining afternoon.
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